"How was your day, habibi?"

"Good."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

Then three days later, halfway through bath time, your child says, "Omar pushed me off the slide on Monday." And you're sitting on the edge of the tub wondering how Monday went by without you hearing a thing. Or worse, another mum mentions it in the class WhatsApp group before your child does. 🙃

If you've ever felt a little shut out of your child's world, or worried they're keeping things from you, you're in good company. It doesn't mean they don't trust you, and it doesn't mean you're asking the wrong way. 

Young children share differently from us, and once you know why, it gets a lot easier to meet them where they are.

1. Why Children Don't Always Tell Us What Happened

For a child under eight, "tell me about your day" is a much bigger ask than it sounds. A few things tend to get in the way:

🟡 The day is too big to sum up. Six hours of lessons, snacks, friends and playground drama is a lot to squeeze into one answer, so "nothing" or "good" is the easy way out.

🟡 They don't have the words yet. Embarrassed, left out, jealous, nervous: these are tricky feelings to name when you're five, especially when they all show up in the same afternoon.

🟡 Memories pop up later. Young children often remember something when a moment sparks it, like the bath, a song or the walk past the park, and not when an adult asks.

🟡 They're running on empty. After holding it together all day and a long ride home on the school bus, many kids need food, quiet and a cuddle before they have any words left for you.

🟡 They're watching your reaction. Most of us have reacted big at least once ("WHO pushed you?!"). Kids notice, and sometimes they keep the next story small to keep things calm.

None of this means your child is hiding things on purpose. They're still learning how to turn a messy day into a story they can tell.

2. Why Everyday Conversations Matter More Than the Big Talk

It's tempting to save up for one proper sit-down chat. The research points the other way. 

Harvard's Center on the Developing Child describes "serve and return": your child says or does something, you respond, and they respond back. These small back-and-forth moments help build the connections in a child's brain that support learning, self-control and getting along with others.¹

Talking about the past together helps too. Psychologist Robyn Fivush and her colleagues found that when parents chat about shared memories in rich detail ("Remember when you were scared of the waves at the beach, and then you held my hand and jumped?"), children tend to develop stronger memories and a better understanding of emotions over time.²

So the chat over the bath, the two minutes while you're buttering toast and the silly story on the drive home all count, and they're often where the bigger conversations start.

And sometimes it isn't even you they tell first. Plenty of us have heard the real story second-hand at Friday lunch, when our child mentions something to Teta that they "forgot" to tell us all week. 

That still counts too. It means they're practising putting their day into words, and the more they practise, the more you'll hear.

3. Simple Ways to Get Your Child Talking About Their Day

🟡 Ask small, specific questions. Swap "how was your day?" for "who did you sit next to at lunch?" or "what was the silliest thing that happened today?" A small question is easier to answer.

🟡 Share a piece of your day first. "I spilled my coffee on my laptop this morning and felt so silly." When you go first, your child sees how it's done.

🟡 Wonder out loud. "I wonder if the new reading group felt a bit tricky." Kids find it much easier to correct you ("No, it was fun, but…") than to start from scratch.

🟡 Talk while your hands are busy. Building Lego, colouring, baking or bath time all take the spotlight off your child, and that's often when the stories come out.

🟡 Remember together. "Remember how nervous you were before swimming last week?" Going back over a moment you shared helps your child connect what happened with how it felt.

🟡 Catch the bedtime stories. We know the timing is terrible. You've been counting down to the sofa since 5pm. But if the big news comes out at lights out, those extra five minutes are often where you hear the real stuff.

4. How to Create a Safe Space Even When Your Child Doesn't Say a Word

Some days your child won't want to talk, and that's okay. A safe space means your child knows that whatever they bring you, you can handle it, even if they only give you part of the story.

🟡 Stay calm when they share. Even if you're already drafting a message to the teacher in your head, try "that sounds hard, what happened next?" first.

🟡 Notice what they show you. A dropped school bag, a quiet car ride or extra clinginess all tell you something. "You seem tired today. I'm right here if you want me" is enough.

🟡 Let them show instead of tell. Drawing, playing out the day with toys or pointing to a picture can be easier than finding the words.

MKandM Feelings Cards give your child a way to do this. The set has 31 double-sided cards in Arabic and English, each showing a feeling your child might be carrying. A child who can't yet say "I felt embarrassed when I got the answer wrong" can pick up a card and hand it to you, and now you both know where to start. 

Keep a few in a basket in the living room or by the bed so they're there when your child needs them. Because they're bilingual, they fit homes across the UAE where a child might say "za'lan" one minute and "upset" the next.

Bahiyeh, a mum in our community, uses them with her son, who has a speech delay. As she told us, "He now uses them to show us how he feels, which has reduced frustration and made communication so much easier."

You Won't Hear About Everything (and That's Okay)

Your child has a little world of their own at school, and some of it will stay there. What you can do is make it easy for them to bring things home. Every time you listen to a small story about the slide or the spilled juice at snack time, your child learns they can bring you the bigger ones too. 💛

It can start early, too. One of our customers, Carol shared that her 1.5-year-old "gets soo excited when we go through them, and tries to imitate the expressions," and the cards are now part of their daily routine.

If you'd like a gentle way to start those conversations at home, explore the Feelings Cards below.

Sources:

1. Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University. "5 Steps for Brain-Building Serve and Return." https://interprofessional.ubc.ca/files/2017/01/Serve_Return_for_caregivers.pdf

2. Fivush, R., Haden, C. A. & Reese, E. (2006). "Elaborating on elaborations: Role of maternal reminiscing style in cognitive and socioemotional development." Child Development, 77(6), 1568-1588. https://www.academia.edu/3651418/Fivush_R_Haden_C_A_and_Reese_E_2006_Elaborating_on_elaborations_The_role_of_maternal_reminiscing_style_in_cognitive_and_socioemotional_development_Child_Development_77_1568_1588